Why Gratitude Matters

When you encounter a tough time in your life, you understand the meaning of the word “resilience” like never before. You might well ask yourself “how can I possibly get through this challenge?” You may also feel like there is very little in your life to be grateful for. It might even seem as though the mere suggestion of being asked to consider what you are grateful for is a way of minimising the challenges you are facing. But gratitude is not about discounting the very real obstacles that life sometimes sends our way. Nor is it a panacea or a quick fix. Rather, a gratitude practice is a tool that can give us the strength to cope with adversity, especially when we make a habit of it (Peterson, Park, Pole, D’Andrea, & Seligman, 2008 ). It’s one practice that, when combined with a suite of other strategies, can help to boost resilience.

What is the Meaning of Gratitude?

Dr. Robert Emmons has studied gratitude for many years. He identifies two distinct stages of gratitude. The first stage includes appreciating gifts and experiences (Emmons, 2007). The second stage of gratitude is appreciating the helpful people in our lives (Emmons, 2007).  

Gratitude as a Coping Tool

CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) informs us that our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours are all linked.  A simple example of this is that when you focus on thinking about an upsetting experience or negative event, you start to feel bad. In turn, you may not feel like doing the things that you know help you to feel better. On the other hand, if you can shift your thoughts to something you are grateful for, you may start to feel marginally more in control and be able to galvanise yourself to cope with life’s difficulties. Gratitude can also reduce “comparisonitis” because when you are grateful, you are less likely to evaluate yourself on the basis of what you own or your salary. In other words, you learn to appreciate your innate qualities and the positive relationships and experiences that make up your life.

 

Here are three simple gratitude practices you can use to boost your own resilience, or use as a tool to help a child in your life.

What Went Well? 

These three simple words can lead to a powerful shift in how you are feeling. When you ask yourself this question on a regular basis you are building new neural pathways that train your brain to focus on the experiences in your life that you are grateful for. Many schools use this question to invite children to explore what went well for them. This can take the form of an individual reflection, or be shared in pairs, groups, or the child may opt to share their responses with the whole class. It is also a useful question to ask at home if a child is struggling. 

 

When you tune into gratitude this can help to counter the impact of stressful events in your life. Many people find that gratitude is a buffer to tough times as solutions can emerge when we recognise that some things are going well for us. For example, imagine you are experiencing conflict in a relationship and you are feeling very angry towards the other party. If you can identify an aspect of the person that you appreciate this can help to temper your anger and prompt you to approach the issue with a view to resolving the matter.

 

Gratitude journal

Similar to “what went well”, keeping a gratitude journal helps you to establish a habit of recognising the positive aspects of your life. When you have a tough day you have a written record of the many positives in your life.  You may find that you ruminate less about what isn’t working so well when you re-read the entries that serve as evidence of the people and experiences that enhance your life.  Researchers have